I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
