I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize