Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
