So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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