Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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