I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
