Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
