my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i wish my penis had a tongue
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
