Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
