dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
