the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
