When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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