I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize