Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
