guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
