I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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