Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
