Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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