It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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