he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
