If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
