So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
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Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
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I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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