he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
