i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
