Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
