I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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