Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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