Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one