Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.