What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.