So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
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he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
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I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be