We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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