the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
