I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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