He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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