Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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