dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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