One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
