i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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