I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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