We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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