i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you traded sex for a burrito?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
