I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
