Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
