there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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