new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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