It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
