oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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