so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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