She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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