yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
