Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
