He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
