I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
