Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
