You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
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How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
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I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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