I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
