You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
