meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
