Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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