Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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