quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm always down for nudity.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
