Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
