My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
