So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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