Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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