i think my tv is drunk
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
