I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
