i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i dont even know how to be here
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize