There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
