Swine flu. Run for my life!
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
